friday

do I hear an "amen"?

It's been a pretty full on week.

Ups and downs.

I quit teaching. Twice.

But it's back on.

For now.

(Meredy's post this week - too funny!)

Sometimes, I need to remember that it's ok to think outside the square.... and to believe for those things that are seemingly impossible.

And to do it often.

empty chairs

yesterday we had the privilege of visiting an ancient town which dates back 5000 years.

It was a treat.

Nearly every where you walked, something was happening.

Even if there weren't any people around.

Life was still on the go.

A mix of old and new.

As we walked, talked and gawked..... my camera worked.

The eye of the blogger, thinker, and people watcher was going into overtime and overload.

I found myself completely fascinated and taken by the empty chairs.

Outside nearly every door way, you'd find a chair.
A lot were occupied.
A lot were not.
The empty chairs caught my heart.

Who sits here?
What is their story?
Where did that chair come from?
How long has it been "that chair"?
What do they think, see, hear every day?
What is life for this chair owner?
Do they know they are loved?

Do they know they are loved?
Do they know how precious and wanted and valued they are?
Do they hear Him when they are sitting there caught in their thoughts, day in, day out.....?

The empty chair.
The occupier is no different to you or I in the eye of the Father.
I found a new prayer.

 For the person who fills the empty chair.
That they will hear Him, feel Him, and know Him..... before they vacate that chair one last time.

A new challenge, so to speak.
For the people who fill the chairs.
Not just here. Not just for ancient towns. But anywhere.
The next person who I have the privilege of sitting next to...... on the bus, plane, train.....in the food court at the table next to ours.... at the cafe..... the empty chairs on the sidewalks of popular cafes at home..... in Starbucks.

To bless people before they sit.

To pray over their lives.

To ask that His peace and love will fill their 5 mins of coffee time and make it so much more......

how easy. I love how He can give me something from an empty chair or two.

And then,

Sometimes.... the occupier shows their face. And it's even better.

mirror, mirror

So my washing-throwing incident a week or so back set me on a path of thought, prayer,reading.... change.

I am hopeless at forgiving myself.

Hopeless. But am and have identified room for mass-improvement.

For a couple of days after, maybe a week after.... I couldn't get it out of my head.

I determined that my kids would be psychologically damaged and would be first in line for therapy later on.... because their mother lacked self-control.

The shame of not being the cool-calm-collected woman of God that I aspire to be.

I beat myself up anytime I get caught up in emotion.

And though I hear the it's ok child, I forgive.... the message seems to self-destruct at the door of acceptance.

But I'm a try-er.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Mirror, mirror.... can you see that you are worthy of forgiveness? He is FOR you. Can you see who He sees?

Worthy.
Valued.
Purposed.
FORGIVEN.

Clothe yourself with compassion.... kindness... humility... gentleness and patience.........
not just for others.
But for you too.
In fact....if you can't give that to yourself.... how can you freely give it to others?

Hmmm. GUILT is not on the list. Nor is Shame. Condemnation. Dunce Cap.

Ahhh. Change. It's a process. And a lot of talking in the mirror.

Anyone else find forgiving oneself difficult?
Trying to see who God sees.... taking off the darkened, soul-sucking glasses in favour of His life-giving ones.

On with the day.

small apples

some days contentment just takes over.

I feel almost drug-lazy.... where time moves in slow motion just so I can enjoy the moment.

:: spring and summer have merged here into one warm season.... the kids know that the best place to be still and enjoy it is just outside the front door.

They take themselves there often... and it impresses me that in that space they can just be content sitting there, and no words need to be used.

:: little lifesavers. i like.

:: yellow umbrellas and dresses...... a walk through the park.

:: blue doors.... doing nothing but closing off broken chairs and a scooter.

:: a day trip to the zoo..... some monkeys, a baby hippo and a cheeky camel

:: a very well-read copy of little house on the prairie.... which I would think has seen it's time.... but I'm told otherwise.

:: the boy who tries hard to make his bed and I try hard to not remake it. Yes, that is his top sheet bundled nicely on top of his stack of pillows.

:: a husband who loves and gives.

:: the daddy who teaches practical jokes and card games.

unacceptable

a little soapbox rant this morning.Not a great way to start the blogging week.... but this has been irking me somewhat, for some time.

Just before we left NZ a friend gave me a word for our time here; that we were to:
walk confidently in the land, not as strangers but as you would at home.

I needed this word because there were so many anxieties at that time tied up with moving to a foreign land.
And a great part of any struggle we've had here is the fact that we are "foreigners" not locals.
And that just comes with the package of moving to another country.
If we had moved to Australia, I am pretty sure we would have asked to be noticed as kiwis, not wallabies.... just because of the camaraderie between our countries. More in jest, than anything.

However, I am asking for that distinction here  - not in jest. In seriousness.

Because I am, quite frankly, quite disgusted by a lot of the obnoxious behaviour that some of the expat community displays.
Attitudes. Values. Morals.
They suck.
The distinction here is this: you are either Chinese or from the West.
The West covers just about every other non-asian nation in the world.
We get lumped into one basket of eggs - and I am sick of having to sit in the same basket with a bunch of rotten eggs.

I LOVE being a New Zealander. I LOVE that New Zealand is such a multicultural nation. I LOVE living in Auckland - the biggest multicultural city in the world! On Sunday, I smiled because at the International Fellowship we go to, there was almost an 'awe' at a gathering of people from 25 different nations.
This is supermarket shopping any day of the week in my hometown.
Though it does not mean that New Zealand has 'got it right' in terms of embracing cultural differences (we have come so far, yet have so far to go).... I feel it's a privilege to have been born and raised in a country where all parts of the world can live together. For the most part in harmony.
We try hard to embrace cultural diversity. We try hard to celebrate the many different cultures that make our population -we still have our ignorant people, colour blind and narrow minded..... but, I do think for the most part, we TRY.

So in coming here, we have tried to embrace. And I feel we have.
We have tried hard to be accepting of cultural differences. Some things make us smile, some things make us cringe - but it is THEIR culture and we respect that. If we were not accepting of it, then I believe our time here would just drag on for an eternity. There are extreme cultural differences. And it's incredibly interesting. And as it is, time is flying quickly by for us.

There are, however, expats here whom we've noticed when we've been out and about, dining in restaurants, walking around the neighbourhood.... there are people who come and it's clear, they truly believe that they are superior beings. They come from the land of we-know-and-do-life-the-best-and-only-way. They talk rudely to the people working in the restaurants, not quietly rudely, but loud and obnoxious rudely. They make rude comments - talk about people as they walk past, making assumptions about why she is with him etc. etc. It is sickening - and a couple of times, MJ has given me the "just leave it" eye... when I've just wanted to go and tell them THEY SUCK. (I have stronger language for that, but am curbing it.)
We have been quick to turn negative things our kids have said or heard others say, right around - often comments about spitting, or toileting, or the road crossings, or the queue jumpings....... often a blanket statement. Or times our kids have said "but they do it" about the locals... and we've had to say, yes, but in our family, we don't. In NZ we don't, and we're not going to start now.
Along with:
It's just what they do here.... Live with it...... We're not asking you to do it, we're not saying it is how it should be done, but it's not our place to scowl, comment, be negative about it...... Let's just move on..... it's a different culture...... it's their culture.

We have and are walking confidently - because this at the moment is "home". In treating it like home our expectations of how we treat others, how we behave in public, how we speak and greet people - it's the same here and at home. No difference.

I love how God created the world to be culturally diverse.
He is big enough to be God of it all.
We let Him down by narrow minded thinking - there is no single "right way" or "right country" or "special culture" to be.
There are only two things expected of us: Love God, Love People.

Irksome.

lighter

you may have noticed my recent weight-loss.

yeah.

about 2 inches off the bottom of my hair.

am pretty sure the bathroom scales will approve, as I am pretty sure that is why they are always at the upper end.

there may or may not have been a mis-hap between the old tweezers and the left eyebrow.
praying without ceasing that regrowth will be quick and pretty.

The hairdresser always insists on drying my hair straight.
I've figured it's because he doesn't know how to dry it "naturally" curly... because last time he did, I looked in horror at the Debbie Gibson 80's fro that was on my head and insisted he re-did it. Straight.
Ah. Whatever.

At the weekend we went to a sweet little Chinese Wedding. This is the second one we've been to. I enjoyed this one more. Maybe because we knew what to expect, but quite possibly because it was more relaxed than the first.
However, there are things we now know to expect from a wedding here.

The bride and groom have actually been officially "married" for several months. The office part has been done. The wedding is usually the after-party. A few months later.

The bride and groom usually have big posters/pictures of them in their wedding gear, some bigger than billboards. The wedding had only one. And I appreciated the simplicity of that.

that IS the best man there.... in the stripy polo.
Another fact: Chinese Weddings are more on the casual side!

The happy couple wait and meet and greet the guests as they arrive at a table outside/near the entrance way. We hand over a red envelope containing a "lucky" amount of money as a gift.... and they give us.... cigarettes or "sugars" (candy/lollies).

It is considered good luck to smoke two cigarettes. I offered to take one for the team and smoke them... but MJ politely turned them down and we got more "sugars". Then we were guided to an out-door tea house to wait, mix and mingle with other guests, and to eat more "sugars" and sunflower seeds. MJ did not realise that sunflower seeds came in shells.... and proceeded to eat the entire thing. What a freshie.

black things there are the sunflower seeds which really are a bit of a hassle to eat. These two embarked on a "how many sugars can we eat" then on a sugar high ran circles. Master T has a sugar high like no-other.

 Guests move inside when everybody is there. And then a small performance takes place.

People line up with confetti cannons which are set off as the Bride passes them.
See those screens there, they blocked off the rest of the restaurant where non-wedding peeps were have lunch.

the best man and maid of honour - full on job here, running on and off stage, putting chairs out, giving rings..... it's not a stand and smile job for most of the day!

Sweet groom. Still nervous, even though technically, they are already married.

It was hard not to be mad at the MC, not bridal party related, I think hired for the day..... but seriously, white dress, she appeared to be running for Miss Universe.

 Fire works. Love it.

 Cute parents. They "give away" the children. The Father of the Bride gave an Excellent speech. Or so we were told.

The show is all over in about 15 minutes and then we eat.
More and more dishes are put on the table.
Balancing delicately on top of each other.
And then we spin the table...... ever so gently.
AND every one just eats using chopsticks straight from the dish.
There are NO serving ladles.

The bride and groom then go around to every table toasting guests. I cannot do red wine shots, so sipped gently. Once everyone has eaten.... it's outside for "games".

Most people play Mah Jiang.

We played Murder.

It was awesome.

one year

today since we left NZ.

six more months to go.

it's everything we both did, and did not, expect it to be.

We have been:

anxious, surprised, blessed, scared, happy, sad, lonely, surrounded, frustrated, angry, hurt, loved.... humbled

S T R E T C H E D

the list goes on.

We have:

fallen in love.

We want:

to speak more of the language, to be able to communicate so.much.better

to go home. no, to stay. no, to go home. no, to stay.

We miss:
our nearest and dearest.

We're thankful for:
our nearest and dearest who keep in touch more than regularly.
new friends.
shoes.
opportunity.
God: His promises, His love, His grace, His all-sufficient-ness......

We are:
closer as a family
closer as a husband & wife team
again, thankful.
Changed.

We will:
come back.
travel more.
never forget.
take what we've learned.... and use it.
not take for-granted those things that are always and readily accessible to us at home.

We look forward to:
a holiday at home.
the next 6 months and what it brings.
more adventure.
Fush and chups.
seeing His plan in it all unfurl even more..... down the track.